#274 Lose Your Collusion

I’m very excited to get married. Again. I’m excited this time, but I wasn’t the first time. The first time I didn’t have any feelings about marriage, I just had thoughts about escaping being single, and now I know that’s a lousy reason to get hitched.

I’m excited to get married because I’m tired of being self-righteous, and my future wife knows how to help me with this. And thank god, because maintaining that self-righteousness has been a giant burden, most of my adult life.

Self-righteousness comes in all shapes and sizes, but my demon haunts my intimate relationships. My ego easily takes the backseat in work, community, and societal situations (e.g. I hate leadership and voting), but with friends and family, and most of all in marriage, my ego is a big, bad wolf, ready to blow my own house down.

I wasn’t able to see my self-righteousness clearly until after I noticed how often I was complaining about seeing it in friends, family members, and my ex-wife, which is the most basic lesson in Spirituality 101: “What you hate is a mirror of yourself.”

When someone I’m close to engages in self-righteousness, instead of letting others have their own opinion, I shut down, which isn’t fair, since I often succumb to this same self-righteousness, so I shouldn’t be concerning myself with their issue.

I become self-righteous when I use (not lose) my mind, but my mind is not to blame: it’s merely an engineer, trained to pilot the USS MikeyOpp. It did not create me nor design my life. It is supposed to follow my orders, and it’s my job to manage it.

In my youth, I was constantly told that “Sharing means caring,” which has nothing to do with snowflakes or participation trophies. This message was not only clean and clear, but it’s really all I need to know about happiness and self-righteousness.

My self-righteousness is the least caring, least sharing side of me. It’s all about me, and what I want and think I need to feign emotional security. My ego thinks that if it’s “right,” it can claim foolish self-righteous, indignant thoughts and self-pity.

Sadly, when I trust my ego and enter into a spiral of self-righteousness, nothing good happens, and trust me, I’ve tested this enough times to state the following: Nothing good ever comes from giving into self-righteousness, even when I am “right!”

I’m looking forward to marrying my partner because she loves me even in my self-righteousness, but she also doesn’t sit back and take it. She calls me out on it, and nicely-so, which helps me see a far better way to live my life, namely, with peace.

Sometimes we are “right,” but that doesn’t mean we have to get involved and control another’s life. No one likes to be told what to do, but most people love to tell other people what to do, and maybe that’s where everything goes wrong. I’m telling ya…

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